Have you ever thought about punishing your spouse with a jalapeño sandwich?

 

Who would do such a thing?  Well, I’m guilty of such behavior.  I hate to admit it, but I am a recovering passive aggressive person.  You probably never would have guessed that.  There was a time when I didn’t even think twice about loading up my husband’s sandwich with a handful of Jalapeño peppers. I actually thought it was a brilliant idea at the time!  No need to remove the seeds either!

 

Wow! That’s the honest truth.  The only good thing that came from this behavior, is my husband now has an affinity for spicy foods.  Believe it or not.

 

However, it sure didn’t help on the relationship front. =D

 

Tom was always so gracious to eat his super-sized Jalapeño sandwich with a smile on his face and not a word of accusation.  How that would burn me up!! What I wanted was a reaction, and I got none, except for a few sweat beads on his forehead.

Tom never let it show that there were 5 jalapeños chopped up in his sandwich.  

 Even when I asked, “How was your sandwich?”

He would smile and say, “It was good, thank you.”

Aaarrrgh!!

(Tom has since forgiven me for my poor behavior.  He is undeniably the best husband anyone could have ever asked for. <3)

 

What could he have possibly done to deserve such treatment?  Honestly 95% of the time it was a misunderstanding. 

You see I was not a very good communicator.  If he said something that upset me.  I wouldn’t ask him about it, or explain that he hurt my feelings.  Had I done that, I would have found out that I misinterpreted his comment or most likely gotten an apology. That would have helped cut way down on our Jalapeño bill for the month.  Most importantly it would have insured in those first few years, more time spent enjoying each other instead of punishing one another.

Have you ever been so upset about something only to find out it was a total misunderstanding?  You may have even wasted your whole day fuming about it too.  What a horrible waste of energy…Right?

Learn from my mistakes and communicate, communicate, communicate.  After 20 years of marriage you hopefully figure out what works in building a healthy relationship with your spouse.  Figuring out what doesn’t work also helps=D

 

Here’s a list of things not to do

• Do not load up your spouse’s food with Jalapeños
• Do not waste a full day fuming with anger
• Do not give your spouse the silent treatment
• Do not withhold affection
• Do not wait for your spouse to apologize first

 

 

I know there can be more complex issues in relationships that require more complex solutions.   However, for me the simple key that has worked has been:

 Be quick to make amends, be quick to apologize, be quick to talk it over.  Be quick to listen.

 

I really hope this information is useful.  Please leave a comment and let me know what has worked for you. 

If the Sandwich in my post looks good to you, you can find the recipe at www.mrshappyhomemaker.com   Not to be confused with the ones I used to make for Tom=D

 

As always, thank you for stopping by!

Bernice

3 simple steps to Re-energize your Marriage!

 

Yes it’s true, sometimes we need a reminder to put a little pizzazz back into our marriage. It’s easy to get stuck in a routine and not realize that we have neglected to invest in our relationship with our spouse.

Not here to condemn…I am guilty, of doing this very thing!

But I would like to share with you 3 simple steps I use to get back on the right track.

1. Return to the Basics

Make a list of all the things you love about your spouse & go a step further by making a point to Celebrate these things!
You can do this simply-
* by communicating how much you appreciate him/her verbally.
*Write out a quick note and place it where you know he/she is sure to
see it.
*Be sure to communicate using his or her love language.

2. Schedule a date night- regularly.

It doesn’t have to be set in stone, I understand things come up…but going out once a year for an anniversary dinner is not what I mean by “regularly” . Do not neglect to make time for each other at least once a month without the kids.

You do not have to break the budget to go out on a date.

* go out for coffee
*go for a walk
*go for a drive
*have a picnic
The point is spending time together!

Do not talk about family issues on your date…schedule another time to resolve family issues. Yes of course it is important to communicate and resolve family conflict…but date night is not the venue for problem solving.

3. Erase your score card…if you are keeping one.

“To truly re-energize your marriage you have to be willing to forgive and forget! Yes let it go- all the times your spouse hurt you, whether it was intentional or not”.

~I made a choice early on in my marriage…and that choice was…

“not to keep record of wrong doing”.

For me that means
* not rehearsing, over and over in my thoughts how I’ve been hurt.
*It means when I say I forgive you, I really forgive you and don’t bring it up again and again.
*It means I don’t look for opportunities to remind you of your past mistakes.

I do not want to sound insensitive, I know people can sometimes do really rotten things on purpose. I am not referring to those types of situations.
Also I am not saying not to confront or communicate when you feel hurt or mistreated. I am simply pointing out the importance of not rehearsing past hurts after they have been addressed and forgiven.
With that said…
Be intentional about keeping the ” score card” cleared off.

Here’s an extra “low cost” idea for spending time with your spouse~ I love reading with my husband. Together we decide on the book. Usually Tom reads to me & then we share our thoughts. Easy peasy & cheesy but it’s my favorite=]

I would love to hear from you! Please feel free to share the things you have found helpful in re-energizing your marriage.

Thank you for stopping by~